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This is a fascinating read. It is 550 page long with lots of data and graph. A very substantial research conducted over many years have gone behind it. It requires some focused attentive reading to grasp the ideas the authors are presenting. Many amazing facts about contemporary American soceity, some shocking! It is a must read for anyone who is interested to learn about faith convictions of Americans.

America is still a deeply religious society… it was founded on strong religious foundations and religion continues to play a crucial role in matters of her household and electing the next President. It is the most religiously diverse soceity in the world (see Pluarlism Project for details) and inspite of being religiously diverse, America reamins remarkably tolerant. This book brings out how religious landscape have changed in recent decades.

Here are couple of findings from the book:

One third to one half of all marriages in America are interfaith marriages. Never realized it was that high. Of course, it includes evangelicals marrying lutherans, catholic marrying protestant, pentecostals marrying mainline. And not just Christians marrying Hindus or muslims marrying sikhs. Approval of religous intermarriage has risen significantly in recent decades. Younger generaons are more open to interfaith marriages than previous generations of Americans. It is difficult to stay married to someone if you do not  respect that person. These marriages are producing a powerful respect for other religions, and causes faith switching.

Another surprising finding is that one-third of all Americans have switched religions in their lifetime. I would never have  dreamed the number was so large. What does that mean? Faith is no more inherited and has become a matter of choice ofthe individual. Just because I was raised in one cultural and religious setting does not mean I need to remain there for rest of life. That means every generation need to presented, persuaded with the claims of their faith!

More later. Leave your comments.

Some wondered about who designed the wedding dress, jewelry of the bride, who were invited the party, where will the couple go for honeymoon etc. Others wondered how will this marriage last? Media speculation and coverage were extraordinary. Friends asked me if they have used ‘wedding bells‘ book!

So the question is will the marriage of William and Kate last? Divorces are common among royals and his parents marital breakup does not help much. But they have many things are favorable for them. They are marrying in their late twenties and have known each other for eight years. They also share a university education, and will have no financial worries.

First thing that is a threat to their marriage  is that William and Kate lived together before the wedding. Marriage experts say ‘Couples who are sexually active before marriage are about two-thirds more likely to divorce than those who marry as virgins.’ Another red flag is the history of divorce and adultery in the groom’s family.

No one can predict with certainity whether it would last or not. The couple has to work harder and inoculate themselves against forces that are undermining their marriage. They have to choose fidelity and commitment over other modern alternatives couples have today. Faith is another important element to seal the marriage that we do not know much about.

Leaving all speculations and pagentry aside, I want to wish the couple blessed married life. I pray for the marital happiness of Prince William and his bride Kate and hope they will set an example of making their marriage last for the millions who watched them tie the knot!

Guess what Indian government is going to decide how many people you can invite at your wedding. You don’t believe…check out this news report – Times of India.  The rationale is that there is lots of food wastage at Indian weddings. Government officials estimate that nearly 15 percent of all grain and vegetables in India was wasted through weddings and other social events.

That is lots of food wastage in country where so many goes to sleep on emply stomachs. May be it is so because no one bothers about confirmed participation at social events. Nobody RSVP anything in India and everyone who are invited are expected to show up. Of course, there are many wedding crashers too!

Indian weddings are famous for their extravagance and a wave of new money in the country has led to ever more lavish marriage celebrations. Indian weddings are big social gatherings involving entire village or all your relatives. Social circles are large because everyone is an “unlceji” or “auntieji” and families feel obligated to invite everyone. The couple often have less say in such matter and everyone in their family are inviting all their friends and others. And it all adds up.

Moreover, size of the wedding and the pomp and show at such events are indication of your social status. For months and years to come, they talk about how so and so gave so much for ‘dowry’ or their wedding was conducted at such and such place. It is a time to display one’s wealth and shows contacts one has to rest of the family or community. Nobody wants to address such false pretense or the hidden motives behind social events.

How about couples and their parents think of donating something to a worthwhile cause at weddings or feed hundreds of kids at an orphanage or old age home!

Love is big business. The National Retail Federation says the average consumer will spend around $115 this Valentine’s Day, an increase of 12 percent from last year. Forbes estimates that throbbing hearts will spend $17 billionon Valentine’s Day this year.Flower sales alone are estimated at $1.7 this year. 8 billion candy hearts are produced every year; the leading candy company estimates it will 1.5 billion of those lip-smacking chocolate Kisses on Valentine’s Day. This is second most paper card sending (after Christmas) seaon in the year; with the leading card maker designing over 2000 type of VD cards. Las Vegas holds nearly 250 wedding on regular days, but on VD it shot up to nealry 1800 in 2009!

Store aisles get painted pink and red. Everything from cereal boxes to clothing get branded for this special day. It is hard to get a hotel reservation or movie tickets. Even in a cold wintery weather one can find couples hand in hand inside and outside malls and everywhere!

Match making is big around this time of the year. From casual friendly introduction to professional brokers are welcome for the lonely souls. Dating serviceand marriage brokerage have gone online which is estimated to multibillion dollar business.Skype chats and FB messages also spike on this special day. Not to mention cell phone texts and twitter messages!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It is titled: Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate and Think about Marrying by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker.  Mark is sociology prof at UT Austin and Jeremy is researcher at UNC Chapel Hill. Published by Oxford University press.

Young adult sexuality remains confusing as ever. We often hear that everybody is doing it these day, but no body really knows for sure. What are long term implications of premarital sexual activities on future marriage? Is test running sexual compatibility a good idea or bad for the relationship and future? What does sexiperimentation say about commitment in the relationship?

In the Wedding Bells, we have a whole chapter called Sex Matters (chapter 10). We offer a more comprehensive biblical view on sexuality without shying away from asking hard questions about sex in today’s culture. Hope that is helpful.

Also I had been thinking about what marriage prep efforts goes on in India. Surely lots of weddings are conducted every year, but are there any marriage prep initiatives being done and what are their results.  Then I came across news report about Snehalaya - a Mumbai based Catholic charitable organization conducting regular marriage prep for engaged couples.

The news article titled ‘Learn the Rules of Games’ appeared this week in NDTV. I was very excited about the report and learn about their finding how marriage prep courses helps families. In fact, the course has even been made mandatory before  couple can get married in the church. Prevention is surely better than Cure!

Way to go, Snehalaya. I am very pleased with your efforts and commitment to help people get married well and stay married.

His account, her account or our account? How do you pay for the wedding if the bride-to-be or groom loses their job? What if one spouse brings more debt into the marriage than the other? Buying your first home, having a baby, shopping habits, supporting aging parents etc have enormous potential for major fights.

Money is one of the top reasons for divorce – everything from a communication breakdown about money, lack of money and even overspending.  The National Directory of Marriage and Family Counseling states, the divorce rate in America has hovered around 50% since the mid 80s, however, research has shown that premarital counseling reduces that number by 30%. Premarital financial counseling is essential for a sound marriage.

That’s why we wrote Before the Wedding Bells: Preparing for a Lasting & Fulfilling Marriage. It is a premarital guide that any single or engaged person should work through. It has tons of relationship principles and practical exercisesto naviagate through relational issues, including many worksheets on budget, financial history, disclosures and financial goals.

US Census reports some facts and figures about American Singles. 
96.6 million – Number of unmarried Americans 18 and older in 2009. This group comprised 43 percent of all U.S. residents 18 and older.
52.5 million - Number of households maintained by unmarried men or women. These households comprised 45 percent of households nationwide.
31.7 million - Number of people who lived alone. They comprised 27 percent of all households, up from 17 percent in 1970.

Notice that singles weeks has been changes to ‘unmarried’ singles week to recognize many unmarried singles in our communities. So now the focus is on those Singles who were never married, widowed, or divorced. Stats above include all forms of singlness.

Recently young lady told me it was harassing to go to her ethnic church as a single. Everyone is bringing marriage proposals and put pressure to get married. ‘They think there is something wrong with me!’ Rise of singlehood is evident in Indian Ameriacan churches. Age of first marriage has also gone up. Also true of other Asian American and ethnic churches as well.

In our recent book (Before the Wedding Bells), Mary & I were persuaded by many youth leaders and pastors to include a section on singles. How to pursue relationships, recovering from relational baggages for the past and dysfunctional homes that you might have grown up, caution to be taken with online mate selection, how to make relationship decisions etc.

I hope a week dedicating to acknowledge unmarried singles would help them to remove the stigma against singlehood and help celebrate this stage of life of people. We must help them to be content with this life stage and fulfill God’s greater purpose thro singlehood.