After the Wedding Bells

Coming soon… sequel to the Before the Wedding Bells. Obviously, it is called After the Wedding Bells.

It is written for newly marrieds, especially those in their honeymoon years. It could be a year or a few years, at least before the parenting phase. Get your copy or pass one to a new married couple.

Why did we write another book on marriage? In recent years, we saw several newly marrieds struggle and even breakup only months after their big day. Reasons vary. We got to talk with several of them to understand what caused the early disillusionment in their marriages. We also wondered what could be told or how they could press through challenges facing the newlyweds.

Several of our friends, who are married for more than a decade (some even two), have read through the draft manuscript and many of them told us how they wished they had read this book when they got married. We also wished someone had given us these and other counsel needed for building a healthy marital relation immediately after the wedding. We wanted to share with our younger brothers and sisters all the lessons we have learned from our marriage and those we have helped through ministries.

After the Wedding Bells follows exactly similar format. Written by Sam & Mary George and Published by Authentic Media (OM Books), Hyderabad, India. The book contains 12 chapters with relational exercises for each chapter. Something you could do regularly to build a healthy and strong marriage relationship in your honeymoon year!

Expected release date: December 2016

Not Every Wedding Produces a Marriage

That is right. Not every wedding results in a marriage automatically. No matter how wonderful or opulent the wedding ceremony and party may be. No matter where it was held or who officiated the wedding. No matter how the couple met or why you decide to get married. No matter how perfect the couple looks or how elaborately honeymoon was planned.

Remember wedding a day event and marriage is lifelong journey. Often we spend so much time preparing for the day event and hardly take any effort in preparing for the marriage. Wedding preparation seldom prepares a couple for the real life together. No wonder ‘happily ever after’ evades many couples these days!

Couples want the exhilarating feeling of the wedding to last forever. Life is not a grand party with friends and family. Real life is lived sometime mundane and even boring routines. Ups and downs of life where the couples conviction and intimacy is nurtured. The relationship skills and intimacy a couple longs for is developed over a lifetime and cannot bought at a store. It takes time, lots of efforts and intentionality.

Most couple getting married want the relationship to last a lifetime. They take vow ’till death do us part.’ Most traditions believes in the permanence of marriage. Jesus taught that ‘What God has joined together, let no one put it asunder’ (Mk 10:9).

Another wedding season is upon us. Please download a guide to preparing for your marriage – Before the wedding Bells. For Amazon Kindle or BN Nook.

Check out – www.theweddingbells.org

Unequally Yoked, what?

Unequally Yoked is not a commonly used phrase. In the Bible, Paul used in his letter to the Corinthians (“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” – 2 Cor 6:14a NKJV). It is generally used in the context of dating/marrying someone from a different background. The phrase origins in farming communities of an agrarian culture, where animal are used to till the ground or pull heavy objects.

Yoke is a wooden frame, usually consisting of a collar-like piece at either end, for attaching to the necks of a pair of draught animals like oxen so that they can be worked as a team. Often animals are of similar size, strength and age. When an oxen is paired with a donkey (like the picture below), it is often referred to as unequally yoked.       The principle here is not to disassociate with people who are unlike you or from different race, denomination or religious background. Although unequally yoked concept of can be applied to marriage and even extended to other arenas like business.

Marriage is an intimate lifelong relationship and your prospective mate’s inner life and views really matter. Marriage scientists affirm that greater the commonality between marriage partners, better the marriage turns out to be. This is particularly true in matters of emotional health, spirituality and religious belief. By seeking oneness in these inner life issues, you can avoid a ton of heartaches in the future. Of course, you can never find someone who thinks, feels and believes just like you (even if seems so, you will be amazed how different he/she is soon after wedding!). Also knowing the differences you both bring into the marriage are important.

Go beyond educational, denominational, socio-economic backgrounds or ethnicity. Ask questions like – are you both equally yoked spiritually? This is more than just whether or not you both are Christians. It means are you equally yoked in maturity and understanding of spiritual things. Are you equally yoked emotionally and mentally? The mmotional and relational compatibility is vital to healthy marriage. Are you equally yoked in calling and purpose in life? Check out personal vision and sense of life purpose like how do they see themselves in 10 or 25 years.

The pace and direction are to be maintained when a farmer tills the ground with an yoked animal. When a horse is yoked with a bull, they will not be able to keep pace. When weak or sickly ox is yoked with a strong bull, the sick one will wear out quickly. When they are not directed in the same direction, animals tend to pull in different directions. If both are headstrong and want to go different directions it won’t work. If one is mature and one is not grown yet, it won’t work.

Before heading down the wedding aisle, are you sure you are equally yoked?

eBook of Wedding Bells now available

Before the Wedding Bells book is now available as a Kindle ebook.

http://www.amazon.com/Before-the-Wedding-Bells-ebook/dp/B006Q7WE8C/ref=sr_1_4?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1324956605&sr=1-4

Coming soon Apple iPad and BN Nook versions.

Please download a FREE sample section and do a review online.

Pass on the ink to friends who are in relationship or are getting married soon!

Interview on Radio

I was interviewed yesterday (Oct 26) on Mooday Radio. It was a national broadcast and we talked about Asian Indian Families in America. Check out – http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_ProgramDetail.aspx?id=77492

American Grace – Faith of the Americans

I just finished a scholarly book on Reglion in American Society. It is called American Grace: How Religion Divides and United Us, written by Robert Putnam and David Cambell, both sociologists teaching at Harvard University & Notre Dam respectively.

This is a fascinating read. It is 550 page long with lots of data and graph. A very substantial research conducted over many years have gone behind it. It requires some focused attentive reading to grasp the ideas the authors are presenting. Many amazing facts about contemporary American soceity, some shocking! It is a must read for anyone who is interested to learn about faith convictions of Americans.

America is still a deeply religious society… it was founded on strong religious foundations and religion continues to play a crucial role in matters of her household and electing the next President. It is the most religiously diverse soceity in the world (see Pluarlism Project for details) and inspite of being religiously diverse, America reamins remarkably tolerant. This book brings out how religious landscape have changed in recent decades.

Here are couple of findings from the book:

One third to one half of all marriages in America are interfaith marriages. Never realized it was that high. Of course, it includes evangelicals marrying lutherans, catholic marrying protestant, pentecostals marrying mainline. And not just Christians marrying Hindus or muslims marrying sikhs. Approval of religous intermarriage has risen significantly in recent decades. Younger generaons are more open to interfaith marriages than previous generations of Americans. It is difficult to stay married to someone if you do not  respect that person. These marriages are producing a powerful respect for other religions, and causes faith switching.

Another surprising finding is that one-third of all Americans have switched religions in their lifetime. I would never have  dreamed the number was so large. What does that mean? Faith is no more inherited and has become a matter of choice ofthe individual. Just because I was raised in one cultural and religious setting does not mean I need to remain there for rest of life. That means every generation need to presented, persuaded with the claims of their faith!

More later. Leave your comments.

Royal Wedding

It is believed that over a million people were in London to catch glimpses of the royal couple and over two billion people watched it over televisions and internet, making it as a major event of last weekend. I know of friends of mine who woke early in the morning in New York to watch TV coverage and who are checked into hotel in Westminister Abbey. I only got to see photos and videos on the net later in the day. See on BBC, Youtube, NYT, and NDTV.

Some wondered about who designed the wedding dress, jewelry of the bride, who were invited the party, where will the couple go for honeymoon etc. Others wondered how will this marriage last? Media speculation and coverage were extraordinary. Friends asked me if they have used ‘wedding bells‘ book!

So the question is will the marriage of William and Kate last? Divorces are common among royals and his parents marital breakup does not help much. But they have many things are favorable for them. They are marrying in their late twenties and have known each other for eight years. They also share a university education, and will have no financial worries.

First thing that is a threat to their marriage  is that William and Kate lived together before the wedding. Marriage experts say ‘Couples who are sexually active before marriage are about two-thirds more likely to divorce than those who marry as virgins.’ Another red flag is the history of divorce and adultery in the groom’s family.

No one can predict with certainity whether it would last or not. The couple has to work harder and inoculate themselves against forces that are undermining their marriage. They have to choose fidelity and commitment over other modern alternatives couples have today. Faith is another important element to seal the marriage that we do not know much about.

Leaving all speculations and pagentry aside, I want to wish the couple blessed married life. I pray for the marital happiness of Prince William and his bride Kate and hope they will set an example of making their marriage last for the millions who watched them tie the knot!

Wedding Guest List – Now Indian Govt to Decide

Some friends of ours who are getting married in the coming weeks are busy finalizing guests at their weddings. Others who are getting married later in summer are finalizing their guest list or mailing out invitations. But how many should be there at a wedding? How do you arrive at your final number of wedding guests?

Guess what Indian government is going to decide how many people you can invite at your wedding. You don’t believe…check out this news report – Times of India.  The rationale is that there is lots of food wastage at Indian weddings. Government officials estimate that nearly 15 percent of all grain and vegetables in India was wasted through weddings and other social events.

That is lots of food wastage in country where so many goes to sleep on emply stomachs. May be it is so because no one bothers about confirmed participation at social events. Nobody RSVP anything in India and everyone who are invited are expected to show up. Of course, there are many wedding crashers too!

Indian weddings are famous for their extravagance and a wave of new money in the country has led to ever more lavish marriage celebrations. Indian weddings are big social gatherings involving entire village or all your relatives. Social circles are large because everyone is an “unlceji” or “auntieji” and families feel obligated to invite everyone. The couple often have less say in such matter and everyone in their family are inviting all their friends and others. And it all adds up.

Moreover, size of the wedding and the pomp and show at such events are indication of your social status. For months and years to come, they talk about how so and so gave so much for ‘dowry’ or their wedding was conducted at such and such place. It is a time to display one’s wealth and shows contacts one has to rest of the family or community. Nobody wants to address such false pretense or the hidden motives behind social events.

How about couples and their parents think of donating something to a worthwhile cause at weddings or feed hundreds of kids at an orphanage or old age home!

Business of Love

Did you know over 10 percent of all marriage proposals in the United States takes place on the Valentine’s day? Love is in the air these days. VDay is big business for flowers, cards, jewelry, chocolate and whatever that spells l-o-v-e!

Love is big business. The National Retail Federation says the average consumer will spend around $115 this Valentine’s Day, an increase of 12 percent from last year. Forbes estimates that throbbing hearts will spend $17 billionon Valentine’s Day this year.Flower sales alone are estimated at $1.7 this year. 8 billion candy hearts are produced every year; the leading candy company estimates it will 1.5 billion of those lip-smacking chocolate Kisses on Valentine’s Day. This is second most paper card sending (after Christmas) seaon in the year; with the leading card maker designing over 2000 type of VD cards. Las Vegas holds nearly 250 wedding on regular days, but on VD it shot up to nealry 1800 in 2009!

Store aisles get painted pink and red. Everything from cereal boxes to clothing get branded for this special day. It is hard to get a hotel reservation or movie tickets. Even in a cold wintery weather one can find couples hand in hand inside and outside malls and everywhere!

Match making is big around this time of the year. From casual friendly introduction to professional brokers are welcome for the lonely souls. Dating serviceand marriage brokerage have gone online which is estimated to multibillion dollar business.Skype chats and FB messages also spike on this special day. Not to mention cell phone texts and twitter messages!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Premarital Sex & Marriage

Recently I came across a new research on premarital sex & marriage. I haven’t read it yet, but hopes to get my hands on it soon. It hasn’t showed up in the library where I regularly take latest resources from.

It is titled: Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate and Think about Marrying by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker.  Mark is sociology prof at UT Austin and Jeremy is researcher at UNC Chapel Hill. Published by Oxford University press.

Young adult sexuality remains confusing as ever. We often hear that everybody is doing it these day, but no body really knows for sure. What are long term implications of premarital sexual activities on future marriage? Is test running sexual compatibility a good idea or bad for the relationship and future? What does sexiperimentation say about commitment in the relationship?

In the Wedding Bells, we have a whole chapter called Sex Matters (chapter 10). We offer a more comprehensive biblical view on sexuality without shying away from asking hard questions about sex in today’s culture. Hope that is helpful.